I Live, I Love, I Lust.

i finally met up with adeline for lunch today but.. i have yet to give her a bear hug yet. :( passed her a pack of maple biscuits cos apparently, the other pack that i brought along seems to look funny. so nvm, i'll pass you the 3rd pack i have at home. :)

sin #1
today, i pleaded guilty for making my class mate who's in my same team cry.

she was not contributing since the first time i teamed up with her for proteomics. there were even lessons whereby she ended the day without making any comments. those were the days when i drafted the content page and allocated easy stuff for her to handle for the ppt. but today, i cldn't be bothered abt her anymore. proteomics today is easy- to propose experiments to detect protein-protein interactions. i prompted her a number of times, asking "so XXX, what are u going to be presenting on?". her reply was,"errhh. what to do ah?". so i decided that today shall be her doomsday if she isn't going to be contributing at all. in a team of 5, she's the only one who was still uncertain of what to present on (rmb that she didn't comment on any part of the lesson, so we can't possibly know if she understands or not.). my 2nd breakout started early, at 12. so i was doing on my slide and was long done by 1.15 whereby it's the only time frame we can go for lunch. so i came back at just before 2, to realise that she did on FRET, while i did on BRET. take a little bit of time to read up on this 2 methods and u'd realise that the principle of this 2 methods is the same, similarity- 97%. BRET is a more improved method from FRET. so, there is no way that i put her slide behind mine, cos it doesn't flow. so doesn't it seem like i'm overlapping on her work instead after she presented first? but i still included her slide in. i didn't remove it away at all. then i was ranting to weiling on msn abt it, who sits infront of me, beside XXX. perhaps i was abit harsh in saying that "next time just anyhow give her anything to do. don't give her work also can. who asks her not to contribute.". it was a moment of fit. and it wasn't mean to target her directly. but god knows the bloody hell that weiling's msn fonts is approx size 16. try that on ur msn and tell me which idiot cldn't see the content when XXX is just sitting less than a metre away from weiling.

so XXX started crying. that totally suprised me out. it's the first time in my 2 yrs plus in RP that i actually made someone cry. then she left the class for a while. i asked weiling to go find her and mean while, i apologised to her multiple times. XXX told me to remove her slide but i assured her that it's alright and that i didn't mean to sound so harsh but hope that she'll contribute more. kkays. it goes on luh huh. & i got to know from her good friend who was in the same class that XXX hasn't been very confident abt proteomics and is a quiet person though she has gotten better since year 1. but, i can't really relate the reason for her to keep mum to herself and not contribute a single ti-ny-wee-ny bit, other than to wait for stuff to "fall from the sky".

yes, i do feel guilty and bad and i know i was mean. but i don't think i deserve the full responsibility. a year 3 student, should at least show that he/ she is contributing considerably well to the production of a ppt by the 3rd meeting for every presentation, instead of staying on fb all the time. anw, what's done can't be undone. though i've apologised many times, i can't take back what i've said.

actually, i have been teasing my fyp team mate too. similar case as well. but since i'm the only female in the team, no crying incidents. i do try to be nice to him too. unless he gets irritating by waiting for things to be done instead of being initiative and contributive. but at least he does give comments, but rarely those kind. -.-" maybe it'll help alot to be able to read his mind and know what he's thinking when we're cracking our heads.

like what guru says, i do wonder what's wrong with this year's fyp teams. seems to have problems every where. there are one-man-show teams out there actually. like jialat sia.

all i can say is that i'll learn from the past and avoid it in future.